Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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