My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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