i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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