I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
