i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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