I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
