I just saw a hot homeless man
I want to walk on stilts...naked
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
