you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
