So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
