This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
