we have pet lesbian snakes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Two words: nipple clamps
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