how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
