check it out our google latitudes are spooning
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
