Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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