The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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