I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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