"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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