I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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