Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
