Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
