Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
