The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
