I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
