Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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