Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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