the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry about my life...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
