You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize