He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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