Where did you get a picture of my penis
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
