apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
