When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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