I wish I only lived at night.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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