i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
