am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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