I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
