we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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