i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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