Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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