I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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