Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
