bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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