Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
