I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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