I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
should my penis look like a turkey
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
