the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
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She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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