Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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