**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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