dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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