and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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