Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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