bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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