How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
