can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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