TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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