O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
