Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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