Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Two words: blizzard sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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