I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
