I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
