Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
