im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
