When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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