anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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