the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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