I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
