I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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