i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
