After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
