At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What drink are we having for lunch?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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