if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
