38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
