The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
